Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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