I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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