Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
