just tell him i said nine months
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
