ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
