So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
