you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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