i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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