you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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