69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
