This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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