I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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