omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
