Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
