I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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