imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
