After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
