I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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