Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize