If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
