we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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