I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
