I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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