in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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