The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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