Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
