Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
