He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
