Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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