I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
