i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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