You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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