so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize