Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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