i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
