Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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