You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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