my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
