my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
