Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
