Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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