I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
