he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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