who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
