he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
