She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize