when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He? As in you personified your dick?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
