you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
