I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
