I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
