How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize