EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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