so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
