I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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