Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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