She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
