Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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