Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
