..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
