vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
