if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
