Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Still dying that you shit outside
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
