It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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