i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
