we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
