Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
