so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
