thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
