You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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