Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
