he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
