He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
