Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
God I need to hump something, right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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