I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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