If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
