I'm going to jail i love you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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