Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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