you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
